Sunday, July 31, 2011

It's raining!

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness." Isaiah 61:10

Some days I have so much going on in my mind that I can't decide what to write about. There's so many lessons I'm learning, so many beautiful things to tell, so many stories, and even more lessons. Always there's lessons... This is one of those mornings.

What I love about God is that, when all else fails, I can bask in His goodness, lean on His arms, be still and know that He is God and just rest in that. Seeing the vast greatness of my God shrinks the cares of this world into a minuscule cube: which can be picked up and thrown as far away as the east is from the west.

Perspective changes things. We were sitting on the beach yesterday, taking a nap, soaking up the warmth after a freezing cold skin dive. The eight of us had swum out to the reef and spent 20ish minutes alternating between diving and waiting at the surface, as we didn't have enough masks and fins to go around. I'd already seen it all on scuba, but I enjoyed it just as much as those who'd never looked at a reef up close before.

So we laid on the beach, marveling at our great Creator, resting in the glorious paradise on earth that He had made. The lady next to us was in the exact same environment, sans the paradise. She was completely stressed out and worried.. Same warm sun, same beautiful view, same salt air and sea breeze, but her perspective changed everything for her.

If a difference in attitude can put one in or out of paradise while sitting on the beach, I wonder if it'll work the same for me at home on a rainy day?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

False Humility?

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. "

I think I'm my biggest critic.. (I know, I know.. to those of you who've been around me the past few days, that may come as a shock, with how egotistical I've been acting.) But seriously, I am truly hard on myself.

I've been wondering lately if the attitude of self-deprecation isn't actually a form of humility after all. And I've been wondering if it's dishonoring to God. He fashioned me before the foundations of the world. He designed every part of me before I ever began. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I'm made in His image.

I've always had a hard time relating to David in the Psalms when he would go off about how he was righteous and his enemies are wicked, but after thinking about it with a new perspective, David knew that his righteousness was given to him by God, and to ignore that fact would be ignoring His wonderful works.

Humility isn't self-deprecation. Humility is recognizing that all I am and all I've been given is from God, and I've done nothing to deserve any of it.

I really want to praise my Maker today, and recognize His wonderful works. The more He gives me grace to see Him, the more humbled I am. And God gives grace to the humble. It's an awesome cycle.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Sand, sun, surf and self-reliance.

The sun was shining when we got to the beach. I hopped out of the 4runner with my two younger brothers, more than ready to wash off the stress of the morning with a good surf session. Last time I surfed, the whole session was a bust. Wrong board, wrong waves, wrong place at the wrong time.. I couldn't quite get the hang of any timing...but today would be different. I could feel it.

Wetsuit on, board waxed, friend in tow, I followed my brother down to the water. "Yes!! Small clean lines, inconsistent. Dry hair paddle out!" These were my favorite kind of waves. Big enough to ride, but small enough that I wouldn't be getting a pounding today. There were about 80 surfers already in the line up, but once its that crowded, nobody cares anymore.

Water temp is high 70's and I'm starting to second guess the wetsuit decision by the time we paddle out. I shove my friend into her first wave, retrieve my board and paddle farther out to get one of my own.

"This is it! Yes! Its mine! I've got it! I'm up! It's clean, it's beautiful, it's a right! It's...my younger brother!? And he's not getting out of my way." He grabbed my board right before it went over him, and I pitched headlong into the water.. So much for dry hair. I stayed down as long as I could, knowing what came next, but eventually everyone has to breathe, so I came up and quietly received the tongue lashing I knew I deserved.

Dad saw the whole thing, and told my brother he should've paddled behind me, which made me feel a tiny bit better, but that was the last wave I caught. Period. By then, Dad was set up on a sand bar, shoving my friend into wave after wave. He kept asking me if I wanted help, and I'd shake my head as I'd paddle back out to try again. Or he'd quietly ask me if I'd gotten any yet, and again, I'd shake my head... My brothers were catching more waves than they could count, and I couldn't get a single one. Sometimes it would be because someone else had priority, other times because I just couldn't get into the wave.

After about forty-five minutes, as I paddled past my dad again, shaking my head again, he grabbed my board, told me to turn around and get ready. He shoved me into a beautiful left that was all my own. I rode it all the way, even cross-stepping to stay in the wave. I was beyond stoked! I paddled back out double-time for a second, and Dad obliged. After 4 waves, he said he was going in to get his own board, and I said that was fine, I was just gonna catch one more and then I'd be going in.

Nothing doing. That was the story of my entire day. It seemed like every single thing I tried to do on my own, with my own strength or power was a bust. I got a lot accomplished, and made some personal breakthroughs in my running, surfing and even in my volleyball, but they were only because I was depending on other people to help me. I couldn't rely on myself for anything. The concept didn't dawn on me until after dinner that maybe God was trying to teach me something. Once I realized that, it kinda put my whole day into perspective, and wiped away the frustration of it all.

I wonder what God is going to teach me today? I really hope it doesn't take me until after dinner to figure it out.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Out of the abundance of the heart....

Its easy for me to say that the one focal point in my life - my main goal, dream and desire, what I want more than anything: is to honor and glorify the Lord in everything I do, and to serve Him in any way possible. Now that I'm thinking about it, I want to add "Return His love for me" in there too, not only because its the greatest commandment, but also because He loves me so much! I'm blown away by His love for me, when I think about it.

Here's the problem. It's the "when I think about it" part that bugs me. Why am I not thinking about it 24-7? Its not that I don't want to be! I truly love Jesus. He's my King, my Savior, my Hero, my Lover and my Friend. But I'm such a selfish individual (not to be self depreciating or anything, just to say it like it is) that my thoughts somehow always turn to thoughts of me. Things that I like, things that affect me. What people say about me or to me. Things that I need to do. What I think about things, things that I've already done, and things I don't like. Its sick. I'm obsessed with myself. <--- which is one of my problems, but that's getting ahead of myself -

ANYWAYS. Here's the deal. While talking to a good friend a while back he was sharing about a book they were going through in bible study about fellowship, and it really impressed him (and me) when it said that fellowship isn't a group of Christians getting together. It really isn't. Necessarily. Well, its always fellowship. (fellows in the same ship) but Pizza Night, when we all come together and eat pizza, play volleyball, gossip and tell funny stories - That's fellowship of pizza, fellowship of volleyball, gossip and stories. Its not fellowship of the Gospel. Just the fact that everyone's a Christian doesn't make it the kind of fellowship the NT tells us to have.

So what? Do we need to set aside a bible study time at every event? Or pray together every time we play basketball? How am I supposed to have the fellowship of the gospel without it being forced and without turning people away. (I'm sure if I gathered everyone together before we started our game for a word of prayer, no one would walk away, cause they all profess to be Christians, right? But still, it wouldn't be genuine. It would become one more ritual)

Jesus said "Out of the abundance of his heart, his mouth speaks" and that's just it. If my heart is filled with Him, the gospel is going to come out in my conversations. If my heart is filled with movies, TV shows, gossip, sports, cars, cares of this world, worry for the future... that's what my fellowship will be about.

Everything always boils down to where my heart is, every time. But the substance of my fellowship is a really good check engine light for me to see what's going on inside me. Where's your fellowship?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Do you hear that?

The steady stream of traffic up and down the street, the music of the birds joyfully welcoming the sun, an airplane overhead, somebody's chickens and one rooster waking up, my sister moving through the house on her way to work, and the steady clicking of my keyboard. This is the symphony of my morning.

Every morning has a symphony, no matter where you go. Camping at the beach there's the steady sound of waves washing onto the sand, in the country there's thousands more animal sounds to wake us up. Mountains conceal streams and waterfalls which add to the singing of the birds, and at Crater Lake, 7000 feet above sea level, the song of the morning was silence and the clicking of a camera.

If you take time to listen, all of creation is pointing to God, praising Him, worshiping Him.

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music... Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy."

Seek the Lord today. Try and find Him in a places you wouldn't normally think of. Instead of in a church or a sermon, look for Him in smile from a stranger, a random act of kindness or a cheerful heart. Hebrews 11:6 promises that He rewards those who diligently seek Him. So do it. And let me know what you find!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

It's Your Life...

A blank page or an empty journal has a strange appeal to me. It holds a promise of things to come, and a mystery of the unknown. Will it be filled with words of encouragement, or words of criticism? Will it be a challenge or a mere observation? Should I write about what I know, or should I make something up? Will it make people laugh, cry, think or listen?

The cool thing is, its going to be whatever I make of it.

Will anyone read it at all?

Life is a lot like the blank page. I honestly didn't think anyone would read my blog besides my sister and a friend who I told about it, but I've been amazed at the feedback I've gotten from random sources! People, your lives are being read and observed, and more than you think. So, what are you filling the pages of your lives with? Is it attitudes of encouragement, or attitudes of criticism?

I'm convinced that I'm a witness for my God every single moment of my life. Everything I say and do reflects on who I believe my master to be. If I spend my hours worrying about tomorrow, I'm telling the world that my God isn't big enough to take care of me. If I allow myself to be sad or depressed, I tell everyone who sees me that my God doesn't love me. If I don't rejoice in all things, my God isn't good to me. So, like I said, I'm always a witness for Christ. Unfortunately, I'm rarely a good witness.

It's your life. What are you going to do with it?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Isaiah 45:3

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variables or shadow of turning" (James 1:17)

Last week my friend showed me a list she was compiling on her iPhone. It was called, "1000 gifts." She was making a conscious effort to recognize all the little (and big) blessings that we take for granted every day, things that God uses to prove himself to us. Things like, hot showers, raw honey, laughter and moonrises.

I was really inspired by the idea, and pulled out my phone, writing a few of the gifts God had given me that weekend. I got to 60 without hardly trying, and went away humbled, grateful and in awe of my amazing, loving God. It changed my whole mindset while I was dwelling on the idea. My little brother called me, all frustrated and upset, and I was so tickled to death that I'd been given such a cute little brother that I couldn't possibly respond in kind to his frustration, and his anger blew out like a candle.

When I think of all that God has given me and continues to give me, whether or not I'm deserving of it, I'm so humbled. God gives grace to the humble, which is another gift that humbles me more. It's a beautiful cycle, one I hope will never end.

"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me
Things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love to me
The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude
All that I am, and ever hope to be, I owe it all to You."

A father of ten in church yesterday was sharing about gifts after singing this song. He's been out of work for six years due to an injury, and had been reading an article about workers compensation, and how families were being torn apart every day due to work-related injuries. He and his wife adopted six kids in the past three years. Instead of dwelling on the fact that he isn't working, and may never be able to provide for his family through physical labor again, (the only way he knows) this father was recognizing God's gifts to him, thanking God, praising and glorifying Him for all He had done.

He said in his broken English, "Not only has God kept our family together, He gave us six more kids!"

"I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD" (Isaiah 45:3)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I can't stop smiling!

After coming home and sleeping only three hours, running around like crazy and co-hosting a bridal shower for my soon-to-be sister, I ought to have been exhausted. My friends were looking at me, laughing about all my energy and making comments with pointed glances about how my trip must've been good. They kept asking me about it.

"So how was your trip?"
"It was really really good!"
"Was it REALLY really good? Or really REALLY good."

I'm not sure how the change of inflection changes the meaning, or which question means which, but I know they were teasing me about a guy. Not that it matters. Another one I got was:

"So, how was the trip?"
"It was awesome!"
"How awesome? Like, you-can't-stop-smiling awesome!?"

I love my friends. I really do. But sometimes they just don't get it. My trip WAS "I-can't-stop-smiling awesome," but for reasons they just wouldn't understand, or receive even if I told them.

The Maker of heaven and earth met us on our trip. He provided for us, protected us, directed us and showered me with gifts that I didn't even need or deserve. I feel like the daughter of a billionaire who's just returned from a week-long spoiling session with her dad. Or something like that. God showed himself to us. Yes, my trip was really REALLY good. (I think that's the right one)

He visited me each day in so many ways. He lead my beside the still waters, and restored my soul. Yes, my trip was I-can't-stop-smiling awesome.

I read this verse in Isaiah this morning, which summed up the whole trip.

"I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Friday, July 22, 2011

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to thee...

Two things shout out the vast expanse of God, and a third whispers it so softly, most times I fail to see it. My week was filled with these three.

Standing by the edge of the ocean I can't help but feel humbled, as if I were standing at the foot of His throne. It stretches farther than my eye can see, concealing amazing beautiful things, carving and shaping out the coastlines, limitless in power and might, always moving and changing but always the same. After watching a glorious sunset, spending an awesome afternoon playing on the beach and building a sandcastle, we drove from the ocean to the mountains.

"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

In the mountains I feel so small, so helpless and weak, but so secure. They are strong and majestic, unmovable, unchanging and uncharted. When you search out the hidden glories of the mountains and reveal their beauty, there are no words to describe it. Standing on a mountain, surrounded by mountains to the point that all you can see are mountains? How can one not feel the greatness of God? We stood and watched the sun rise over an immense lake. It started with a faint pink tinge above a ridge of snow covered peaks and progressed until the sun was up in all its brilliance, warmth and glory. The area was blanketed by an unearthly silence, yet there was an unmistakable presence and comfort. We were not alone.

The third testimony to God that filled my week was people. Designed, loved and created by God in His image, but somehow its always harder for me to see Him there. I'm learning though.

I can't believe how long it's taken me to write this down. I'm overwhelmed and in awe of God's glory, mercy, grace, majesty, greatness, power and love. (and a whole lot more) I'm also running on 3 hours of sleep. I was too wired to sleep anymore. I feel like a child who was showered with gifts from her dad for a week straight. It was that amazing.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wednesday, July 20th

What a crazy weekend! And a crazy week! God is so good to me, and I'll tell you about it when I get home!

I started a list of 1000 gifts. Maybe I'll share some of them here. I fly home late Thursday, and should be back writing on Friday morning. =) We'll see how that goes.

In the meantime. "For I the Lord hold your right hand, saying to you, Fear not; I will help you."

Peace.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

July 14th, 8am

There's a song running through my head that was brought on by what I read this morning in Isaiah, but I don't think it counts as writing if I post someone else's work. Does it?

I'm basking in God's greatness today. He's all powerful, all knowing, and all loving! He's justice and mercy. A paradox of sorts. His word shows me over and over how big He is and how small I am, and for that I can only praise Him. I'm elated that He chose me to be His child.

A child is exactly what I am. I can't even count the times I've recollected my childhood and sighed, wishing I could go back. I really had it made. I was loved, carefree, worry free, protected, provided for, nourished, instructed and disciplined in love. When remember the imaginary games I would play with my brothers, the silly things we would do, the way I dressed, I realize that I didn't care what people thought of me. I was secure in my parents love. I knew I didn't earn it and couldn't lose it.

That's what God has to offer me. I'm His child just the same as I'm my parents (now grown) child. The funny thing is, living at home I receive all the same advantages my childhood had to offer. I just don't realize or appreciate them. I didn't when I was a child either.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

July 13th, 7:30 am

Kaylee Jo just wandered in, her long braided hair all a mess, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. Its early still, especially for Kaylee. She's the princess of the family, and sleeps as late as we'll let her.

Little sisters grow up so fast. She was my "charge" as a toddler. I taught her how to read, potty trained her, instructed her on how to sit quiet in church and even disciplined her. I was twelve years old when she was born.

In a lot of ways, Kaylee challenges me. (Yeah, she challenges my authority in every way she can come up with, but that wasn't what I was getting at.) =) She watches me and emulates my behavior. When I'm diligent, she's diligent. When I do a Pilates routine in the living room, she comes along side and does it with me. She's developed a taste for coffee, and always wants mine. I brought a book to the beach with me, and the next week she brought two. Although she's not my "charge" anymore, I continue to teach her without realizing it, and in a lot of ways, she teaches me. I see myself in her a lot, but its not "me" so much as it's her imitating me.

Right now, she's sitting on the couch across from me with a mug of chai tea (coffee was her first choice, but we didn't have any.) and she's having a quiet time.

There's so many things I wish I could teach my sister about life, about love, about Jesus. But in this moment I've realized that the only way I'll teach her anything is by living it myself. A heavy responsibility lies on my shoulders, being an adult living at home. I hope and pray that I'll be a sister and daughter who brings honor to my parents and a godly example to my siblings.

"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck."

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I dare you to die

A couple verses have been playing through my head, as stemmed from a conversation with a friend. We were discussing the balance of being in the world, but not of the world. He argued that when the cares of this world interfere with our heavenly mindset, we'd better withdraw ourselves. Which seems like a good idea at surface value, right?

But I kept thinking about it, and these two passages popped up.

"O generation of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

"What comes out of a man is what makes him "unclean". For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean."

If anything is interfering with my "heavenly mindset," my relationship with Christ, it's not the world. It's me. Every evil thing that comes out of me is already in my heart. The world didn't put it there. If I sequester myself from the world it won't solve anything. I won't be letting my light shine, I won't be fulfilling the law of Christ, and I won't be purified by removing the source of any problems.

So what then? If the sin is inside me, there's nowhere I can go, nowhere I can hide. What can I do about it?

For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin - because anyone who has died has been freed from sin... Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has dominion over Him. The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

I dare you to die. Once you're dead, don't be afraid to let your light shine.

Monday, July 11, 2011

July 11th, 8:25 am

I've always believed in the sovereignty of God. I've also always believed that prayer is important, so that God can show Himself strong on our behalf and so that our faith can be strengthened. But I've always prayed with a mindset that as God is sovereign, He's going to do whatever it is that He has planned, so it's better to pray for grace to handle the situation than for the situation to change. Of course I believe that God CAN do anything, the question is whether or not He WILL.

I keep hearing about prayer from different places recently. A friend was excited about a series her church is doing on prayer and shared it with me over a cup of coffee, I picked up a book for single girls and the first chapter was all about prayer, (I didn't get past the first chapter yet) the friend's brother reminded me by mentioning the series that they're going through, we talked about it in church yesterday, and I read an interesting bit in Isaiah this morning.

Isaiah was sent to the ailing king, Hezekiah, with a special message from the Lord. Basically, "Get your affairs in order, because you're going to die."

Apparently Hezekiah didn't like that bit of information, because he turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, reminding God how he had walked faithfully before Him with wholehearted devotion and had done what was right in the eyes of the Lord. And then he wept.

This is the part that got me. God changed His mind. He sent Isaiah back to the king to let him know. "This is what the Lord says. I have heard your prayer, and will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the Assyrian king. I will defend this city."

I believe that God was honored when Hezekiah asked for a prolonged life. Not only did He grant fifteen more years, but those were fifteen years of God's deliverance and protection.

"So I say unto you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

I think I'm going to have to change my view on prayer.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

July 10th, 8:20am

Things happen. Even more so in our neighborhood. Even more so in the summer time. I remember hearing an ER nurse tell my dad that he new what the weather was like just by the victims brought in to his trauma unit. He works in a big downtown hospital. "When we're over burdened with car accident victims, we know its the rainy season. When there's an abundance of shootings, we know its summertime!" (yes, we only have two seasons here)

Something about low-income neighborhoods not having AC which puts more people on the streets, staying up later, staying out to catch a cool breath of air. Anyways, this theory has been confirmed by a couple of police officers we've talked to, and somehow it seems like every time we've had an incident it happened in the heat of summer.

Last night was a very summery night. All these thoughts and memories and theories were running through my head when dad sent me to help clean up for church tomorrow. There was a pile of electronics that I had to deal with, and I figured sticking them in the new house was the best idea... until I saw that the door to the new house was cracked open. Its not a big deal, cause that happens all the time, but somehow I've got this mental picture of someone looking for a place to bed down or hide out. Its not irrational, because it's happened before, even recently.

I sort of cautiously open the door the rest of the way, and flip on the kitchen light. BUMP Bump bump. OKAY! There's no way I'm walking into that 3500 sq ft empty (I hoped) house by myself, AND there's no way I'm blocking the only exit.

For all my bravado about being able to take care of myself, I was all to quick to ask my older brother to check it out. I felt a little bit silly, but hey. "Um. I heard something."

Apparently he was on the same wave length as me about things happening, because he didn't question or mock me, he just turned right around and found a hockey stick to keep him company while he checked it out. After a minute or so of me telling myself it was a rodent or my imagination, I went to find him. He stood in the doorway, tense, listening. Turning around, he mouthed the words, "There's something upstairs."

Again, my commendable bravery came into play. I ran and got dad. He too never questioned me, just jumped up and went to check it out. Two are better than one when confronting a drunk vagrant or a desperate fugitive. Especially when one is armed with a hockey stick. And my dad has jiu jitsu dvd's.

As it turns out, the wind was blowing a door around upstairs. But I learned a couple things, one of them being, I'm not as brave as I think I am.

I resumed cleaning, feeling a little sheepish for running to dad about nothing, and he came in and thanked me for having him check it out. That's when I learned a second thing. My brother and dad are completely trustworthy, and they really feel honored getting to be the protectors. I may have felt like a little child, but that's kinda what it's all about. Jesus said, "Unless you receive the kingdom of God like a little child, you will never enter it." Just like my dad wanted me to run to him, God wants us to take everything to Him, like little children.

I leave you with this. Stop trying to be so grown up about everything. You can't handle life on your own, and whats even better, you don't have to! I read in Isaiah this week that in quietness and trust is our strength. Which means that I was as strong as my brother with his hockey stick and my dad with his mixed martial arts training when I trusted them to take care of the things that went "bump". How much more when we trust our heavenly Father to fight our battles and carry our burdens?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

July 9th, 8am

I wanted to write more, to hone in my skills, (or lack thereof) to challenge myself, to sharpen my mind and to have a release for things that I'm mulling over. The only problem is, instead of writing more, I read more. I'm addicted to two different blogs, and of course I have to check out any links those two talented bloggers reccomend. And the more I read, the less I'm inclined to think of myself as a writer. Sure, I've written a few things that were good. I've had a couple articles and short stories printed, (in a paper newsletter for girls, but printed none the less!) but when I sit down to write, nothing comes.

Maybe I'm afraid of putting myself out there. I can write short stories because they're not about me. I can dramatize bible stories, write observations of other people, and write in my journal, but can I really write what I think and feel for other people to read?

Or maybe it really is just laziness. My writing isn't good enough, because I don't work hard enough at it. Because I don't know all the rules to writing. I don't always know how many commas to use, and when to use the semi-colon.

It could be lack of content. Nah. Its not lack of content. The only way I wouldn't have anything to write about would be if I was too lazy to dig it up.

And its definitely not lack of time. I have more time on my hands then I know what to do with. (Well, I do know what to do with it, but cleaning out my closet and drawers just isn't interesting enough to me)

So, I'm going to cancel my netflix, (I can't really afford it anyways.) stay away from hulu, (except for Rookie Blue and Combat Hospital) and take that time to write. Maybe I'll even be able to use it as an excuse to quit working out.

Who am I kidding. I don't workout.