It was a re-occurring type of dream that had plagued me for weeks about a month ago. The type that is just believable enough to stay with me throughout the day. The type that drags me down with questions that can't be answered. I'd taken it to the Lord, searched my heart, begged Him to take it away, and finally it had stopped.
And now it was back for two nights in a row. The details weren't the same every time, but it left the same blanket of doubt and discontent as always. Feelings I had dealt with and overcome in my waking hours were coming back to haunt me in my subconscious.
"It's not fair!" I complained to God, mechanically copying out a verse to meditate on throughout the day. "These thoughts get to take residence in my head without my permission. I don't even get a chance to try to say no when it's in my dream!"
I continued to doodle in my journal, darkening key words, accentuating the curves and sweeping lines.
And then, for the first time, I read the verse that I had chosen to meditate on. Obviously, I'd read it before, but this time I read it with my mind awake.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord.
"I can be so dumb sometimes." I almost laughed out loud.
A slap in the face has never been so comforting in my life, shaking off the blanket of doubt and discontent and finally waking me up from my bad dream.
I don't know what He's trying to teach me, or what the purpose for this test is, but "I remain confident of this..."