Friday, April 27, 2012

Timely words.

I tossed and turned all night, weighing a decision that I couldn't make.  Not that I couldn't make up my mind, but that it wasn't the right time to decide.

I laid a fleece (see the story of Gideon) before the Lord, and picked it back up again.

I want to make the right decision.  I want Your best.

I laid the fleece out again.

"Put it to rest"

But how?  Okay Father, I give it to You.  You know the end game - the future - aka, Your plan.  I know You want me to trust you with my future, and I do, but you also want me to be obedient, submissive - willing to accept whatever that may be.  How can I accept it if I don't know what it is?

Okay, so putting it to rest wasn't working out for me...

Eventually exhaustion won over the mental flip-flopping and I found myself asleep for awhile.

Until my alarm went off at 4:30.  I groaned.

Exactly why did I think getting up to make breakfast for Dad and the boys was a great idea at 8 o'clock last night?

I was already awake though, so I pushed off the bed, stumbled into the kitchen and stared at the coffee machine, willing it to start itself.   (It didn't work.)

30 minutes later the house was quiet and dark again, and my decision came back to wrestle with me some more.  With one side of my brain I was getting things together, lighting a candle, (just because I could) settling in with my coffee and blanket, snapping this picture and coming up with the caption.   The other side was jumping back and forth until finally I gave up.

Lord, how in the world am I supposed to know what to do!?  I threw the question up in the air before the two sides of my brain caught up to each other and I read what I was writing under the picture I had just taken.

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path"

So excuse me while I go light up this trail I'm traveling on.

Edit: I'm afraid of the dark.  Really.  The verse from Psalms 119 always reminds me of this memory that I have of walking down a trail when I was little and using my flashlight to penetrate the thick darkness ahead, all the while tripping and stumbling, because I wasn't watching my feet - until my older sister pointed out that I really only needed to see the path where me feet were landing... the rest wasn't important at the moment.  

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