Friday, October 26, 2012

Unworthy, but considered worth dying for.

For an outsider to read this blog, I'm thinking they would probably get a biased picture of who I am - but then again, skimming over my posts today I noticed that the most commonly used words were "grumpy" and "coffee."

(Okay, I guess it's not such an inaccurate representation after all.)

My name is Merrie Grace, but when I was a toddler (and a child, youth, teen and, lets face it, even sometimes as an adult) my family called me Grumpy Grace.   I can grumble and complain like you've never heard before.  (Of course, it's only when I have something very valid to complain about... like, cold fingers, cold toes, no firewood, cold weather, grumpy people and bad coffee.)

I drink coffee almost every day, sometimes twice a day.  I like to tell myself that it's not because I need it, but because I just love the way it tastes, but that's not completely true.

I procrastinate like nobodies business.  I don't like folding laundry or doing dishes.   I don't put away my clean, folded laundry (that somebody else cleaned and folded for me), I'm disorganized and I hardly ever follow the rules.

I adore attention.  Like, absolutely and obsessively adore it in an unhealthy sort of way.

I'm not disciplined, not very diligent and definitely not determined.

I give up on people.

I stay up too late when I know I need to get up early.   I sleep through most of my predetermined quiet times.  I talk myself out of working out at least twice a day.  

I often don't respond to my emails or text messages.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Insecure.

Jealous.

Foolish.

Unworthy.

And yet, in spite of all my flaws and inconsistencies, with my weakness and fears, I am LOVED.

I'm the most unworthy person that I know and yet, He, knowing my heart better than I know it myself, counts me worthy.

I saw a tweet on twitter about loving a person while hating their sin.  The author commented that to say that was the same as saying "I'm going to love you but reserve the right to hate what I want about you."

I got to thinking...  Does my sin actually hurt God?  Or is He bigger than that?  I'm exploring the idea that the reason God makes sin illegal is because it hurts me!  Just the same way that Dad made playing in the street illegal and Mom wouldn't allow me to use the stove until I was big enough,  The Law is built to protect me, and breaking the law hurts me.

It doesn't give me leave to hate other's lawlessness, but rather to be sorrowful for them.  If God is bigger than their sin, does it really help Him to have me hold the grudge for Him?

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me.  All of me.  I want to learn to love others with that same kind of love.


3 comments:

  1. I should copy and paste the first part of this post on my own blog. Sounds just like me. I think you are right that one of the reasons God makes sin "illegal" is because it hurts us but I also think the other reason is that it hurts those around us as well. In many cases our sin hurts others and causes them to sin and it is detrimental both to their relationship with God and our own. Thanks for sharing.

    Shaylene

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  2. Shaylene!! Thank you for all the feedback! I was VERY encouraged to check my email and find all of your thoughtful comments.
    You would be the second person to point out that our sin often hurts others (I think one of my brother-in-law's was the first, but I don't remember...) :) and I would have to agree that you are right. Thank you for pointing that out.

    Hey, where is this blog you keep talking about?? I want to read it! :)

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  3. I just started the blog... like tonight. I actually had set one up before I left for China but I never posted on it. And then I couldn't find it. Then I set up and new one and found the old one. Oh well. So it's Grasping Grace. I am going to try to post a lot for the first couple of weeks but I'll probably end up being one of those once or twice a year bloggers. lol.

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