Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Awestruck

I was driving to my sister's house and took a turn off on a whim.  The road winded in front of me through the forest, through the fog and rain.  I'm sure it wasn't the best day to go exploring, but I had time and a full tank of gas.

When I parked my car beside a lake, the rain had let up.  Silence reigned supreme.  The normal rustling and chirping noises of the forest were stilled.  The sound of my car door echoed off the trees, breaking the silence for a moment before being swallowed up in the fog that shrouded the lake.

I'll tell you, in those minutes I spent outside of the car, I felt incredibly small. 


"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."



The forest was towering and impenetrable by light, the lake seemed endless as it faded away in the gloom.  

"He's so great
And I'm so small
Jesus holds me 
Lest I fall
He's the ruler 
Over all
He's so great
And I'm so small."

Feeling awed and slightly intimidated by the greatness and power of God, I got back in the car and headed back down to the highway.

It reminded me a little bit of when Moses was begging to see God's glory and God said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, 'Yah' in your presence.  I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," God said, "You cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."

Then, God, knowing the fullness of His glory was too much for Moses, chose instead to protect Moses while giving him a small glimpse of Himself.


Truly, the heavens are declaring the Lord's glory.  All of creation testifies His power.

1.) He's So Great - Written by Ron Hamilton 2.) Exodus 33:10 - Probably written by Moses

Friday, October 26, 2012

Unworthy, but considered worth dying for.

For an outsider to read this blog, I'm thinking they would probably get a biased picture of who I am - but then again, skimming over my posts today I noticed that the most commonly used words were "grumpy" and "coffee."

(Okay, I guess it's not such an inaccurate representation after all.)

My name is Merrie Grace, but when I was a toddler (and a child, youth, teen and, lets face it, even sometimes as an adult) my family called me Grumpy Grace.   I can grumble and complain like you've never heard before.  (Of course, it's only when I have something very valid to complain about... like, cold fingers, cold toes, no firewood, cold weather, grumpy people and bad coffee.)

I drink coffee almost every day, sometimes twice a day.  I like to tell myself that it's not because I need it, but because I just love the way it tastes, but that's not completely true.

I procrastinate like nobodies business.  I don't like folding laundry or doing dishes.   I don't put away my clean, folded laundry (that somebody else cleaned and folded for me), I'm disorganized and I hardly ever follow the rules.

I adore attention.  Like, absolutely and obsessively adore it in an unhealthy sort of way.

I'm not disciplined, not very diligent and definitely not determined.

I give up on people.

I stay up too late when I know I need to get up early.   I sleep through most of my predetermined quiet times.  I talk myself out of working out at least twice a day.  

I often don't respond to my emails or text messages.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Insecure.

Jealous.

Foolish.

Unworthy.

And yet, in spite of all my flaws and inconsistencies, with my weakness and fears, I am LOVED.

I'm the most unworthy person that I know and yet, He, knowing my heart better than I know it myself, counts me worthy.

I saw a tweet on twitter about loving a person while hating their sin.  The author commented that to say that was the same as saying "I'm going to love you but reserve the right to hate what I want about you."

I got to thinking...  Does my sin actually hurt God?  Or is He bigger than that?  I'm exploring the idea that the reason God makes sin illegal is because it hurts me!  Just the same way that Dad made playing in the street illegal and Mom wouldn't allow me to use the stove until I was big enough,  The Law is built to protect me, and breaking the law hurts me.

It doesn't give me leave to hate other's lawlessness, but rather to be sorrowful for them.  If God is bigger than their sin, does it really help Him to have me hold the grudge for Him?

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me.  All of me.  I want to learn to love others with that same kind of love.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

What Taco Bell and Waltz Music Have In Common: And Other Unrelated Ramblings

Waltz music is comfort music; and Taco Bell is comfort food. Especially the bean burritos.

After stopping in at a random beachside coffee shop this morning we parked up the street from our new secret surf spot (affectionately named, "The Spot," among other things) and walked down towards PCH, longboards and wetsuits in tow.

"How sweet it is to be loved by you!" My dad was singing to himself as we walked down the sidewalk.

"Wow, God! It sure is!" I commented in my head, just noticing the warmth of the sun on my face and smelling the salt air.

If it sounds like I'm trying to make you jealous of how awesome my life is then you probably read into it right, but thats not the point. Besides a few moments of peaceful serenity (read: the whole time I was in the water, the afore mentioned observation and maybe two other brief periods of reflection) I spent most of the day bouncing back and forth between stressing out and being irritated at situations that were out of my control.

Coffee, surfing and lunch with some of my most favorite people in the world was not part of my plan for the day. I was supposed to be on my way to Idaho like, yesterday. My plan didn't include the numerous delays an setbacks that we ran across.

My plan wasn't near as good as God's plan is. That's what I'm noticing right about now. I'm kinda jealous of the awesome day I had. I just wish I would have given my plans over to God sooner so I would've been able to see how good I had it.