Wednesday, March 20, 2013

FIguring things out

We talk about getting our lives together and figuring out what we're supposed to be doing.  We talk about making a plan, and we make plans to make a plan for our lives, but then we always smirk when someone else says that they're trying to get life figured out and let them know to "Let me know how that works for you."

It may be a repeated theme for me on here, but the way our society puts so much stock into plans and position has weighed on my heart lately and was still in the back of my mind when we got to church on Sunday.  We were late, (which isn't too unusual as Sunday is the only day of the week that we're not up hours before dawn up here) so we slipped into the back row while the service started.

The special music stirred something in my soul and I've been mulling over it ever since.  An elderly man, well past seventy, got up and introduced a song he had heard for the first time as a teenager before he started singing.  The look on his face and the passion in his voice told me that he believed every single word.

I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I've found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how He changed my life completely,
He did something that no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus!
There's no other friend so kind as He! 
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me,
Oh, how much He cares for me!

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me,
All my heart was full of misery and woe;
Jesus placed His strong and loving arms about me,
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

To hear these words from a man who is at the end of this crazy journey we call life really made me think twice.  Perhaps figuring out life isn't as important as we seem to think.  Perhaps the important thing is to love Jesus.  Perhaps all that's left for me to do is to love and trust Him and let Him take care of the details.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Accepted? You bet!

I have an interview scheduled this week, after which I'll find out whether or not I will be accepted into the Midwifery College I'm really hoping to get into.
Boy-oh-boy, you wouldn't believe the insecurities that are cropping up all over in my life, hinging on that silly word, "accepted".   
What if I'm not smart enough, or my home-school education is inadequate?   What if I'm not the right type of person to be a midwife, or what if they just plain ole' don't like me?

Our culture puts so much stock into accomplishments, status and "What are you doing with your life?" that it's not enough to be joyfully serving the Lord by folding laundry and cleaning bathrooms for your family anymore - and I've put a lot of stock into this Midwifery School thing, thinking that while it seems to be God's direction for my life, it'll also be an acceptable life path and I'll have a really good answer for the "what are you doing with your life?" question that always comes up.

Insecurity is like an infectious disease, spreading from it's source to every other accessible area of my life.  I was laying in my bed last night with thoughts and fears tumbling and swirling around in my head, keeping sleep far from me. I had just nailed down my need to be accepted as the root of my problem when it finally occurred to me that by problem was a non-problem, because I am already accepted.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

Romans 15 hit it spot on.  No matter what happens, I've already been accepted, (through no feat or failure of my own) and I can rest in that.  Literally and figuratively.