Wednesday, February 27, 2013

When I drop the ball...

When I was approached and asked to write a devotional last week I agreed without hardly thinking about it.  I had no other choice.  I believe that God is calling me to testify to His goodness through my relationship with Him - so I said yes- but inwardly I was cringing.  See, that morning was the first time in weeks that I had opened my bible to read it for myself.

My spiritual life had been in a slump and my old enemies, Laziness and Complacency had crept in and taken over.  I was just flat-lining.  No mountains or valleys, just deadness.

 And what Christian wants to admit to that?  Not this one.

Feeling defeated and ashamed for being such a failure as a christian I flipped open my Bible that morning. It was the Lord who directed me to Psalm 25

"In You, Lord my God, I put my trust.
I trust in You.  Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.  
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame."

The Psalm went on and on, reassuring me, encouraging me, speaking to my soul, meeting me exactly where I was at.

I can't testify to a relationship with Christ when I haven't actually been in fellowship with Him.  That would be like me telling the world that I'm super close with the girl I grew up across the street from whom I haven't talked to in ten years.

But I can still testify to this -  I serve a God who is faithful when I'm not, who makes me His priority when I've shelved my Bible and then, when I come crawling back to the throne of grace, and who meets me where I'm at and carries me home.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Deep thinking and bathroom cleaning

Maybe in another life I would have been a philosopher.   I would have become famous just by dressing up, sitting around thinking up profound thoughts and writing them down in a cryptic way so that years later when my discoveries were discovered students of life would spend half their studies figuring out what I was saying and the other half understanding it.

But I'm not a philosopher.   I'm just a 20-something year old girl charging headlong down this path called life and every now and then I think of something profound.

Like today, for instance.  I was cleaning bathrooms, ipod plugged into my ears while texting a friend.  As I sprayed and swept and scrubbed I was trying to figure out why it's so hard for me to get life figured out. 

Family dynamics are hard for anyone.  They're hard when you're six years old, and trying to learn all those important things to learn for six-year-olds, like reading and people skills and why you can't wear prints and plaids together.  It's hard to know where you belong when you're six. 

And then it's hard when you're sixteen and trying to learn all those oh-so-important things for sixteen-year-olds.  Like reading people and how to wear exactly the right thing, among many other things.  It's hard to know where you belong when you're sixteen.

I'm betting that life is hard when you're twenty-six too.  I'd bet that you have lots to learn, although it may be different things than when you were six.  I'd bet that sometimes when you're twenty-six it's hard to know just where you belong.

It seems like just when I get something figured out, God goes and changes the circumstances giving me a brand new set of dynamics to learn.

Why is it that the toughest dynamics to work with last the longest?  And as soon as I figure them out, things change?  I pondered as I finished scrubbing the toilet in one bathroom and moved to the next one.

It dawned on me that perhaps the purpose of the tough things in life are to teach me a lesson, and just like I wouldn't stay scrubbing a clean toilet, neither would God continue to give me the same test.  As soon as I've finished with one toilet, it's time to move on.