Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Anxious for nothing

A pit of dread settled in my stomach as I looked at the first page of my final exam. Anxiety had been swirling through my head the whole weekend, but I'd put off the test long enough, and I was running out of time to get it done. I took a deep breath, and started in, shutting out the sounds and scenes around me. For the next hour, I agonized over the test, hoping that somehow, the answers would come to me.

When the hour was up, I turned it in to the proctor and asked for the second test, knowing that my results would be dicey at best. By the second page of the second test, panic began to set in.

What was I thinking? I'm not ready for this! I should have reviewed in the parking lot. I'm never gonna finish this! Help!”

It occurred to me that while I had asked my roommate to pray for me as I walked out the door, I hadn't prayed myself. I dropped my pencil then and there, and committed my test to the Lord, asking Him for clarity of mind as I finished the test out.

And then the wait began. Doing proctored tests means that the tests have to be scanned and emailed back to the school who forwards them to the instructor, who grades them at their leisure – and then, finally, after I've chewed my fingernails right off, and worn a hole in the carpet pacing back and forth, my results are posted.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”

Today, after checking for my scores for the fourth time in four hours, I realized that I had to get my mind on something else. So, today, I'm being thankful for my God who is bigger than test scores, who is powerful and good, and who I can wholeheartedly trust with my future. And I'm dwelling on the gifts that He's given me.  Things like:
:: Dad, and his wise counsel
:: Mornings in the Word
:: Those cheerful early morning customers
:: Fellowship with other kids my age who are pursuing Christ
:: The awesome girls I get to work with
:: Radiant heat, cold mornings, hot coffee
:: Going home to see my family in a week.

Forget about the tests, and all of the tomorrows. Today has enough things to think about.

1 comment:

  1. I am in the same position, Merrie. Thank you so much for the encouragement (and I'm sure you did great!) Love your posts. =)


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