Heartcries

Please pray that I would have strength for each "today".

Please pray that I would be able to smile at the people who make me cringe.

Please pray that I would find joy in the now, that I would redeem the time that I have left, and that God would use me to impact lives for the remainder of my time here.

Please pray that I would be content, because here is where He has me.

Please pray that I would remember that sometimes, I'm the only part of Jesus that a person will ever see.

Please, God, help me remember this every moment - help me to remember that I never know when someone is watching me and judging You by my actions.

Please, God, give me grace for every moment.

Please, God, continue to work in me.  And through me.

Please, God, break me.  And restore me.  Fill me with your Spirit.

I'm inadequate, but You are able.

I'm undeserving, and You are worthy.

I'm weak, You are strong.

I'm so glad that You love me.

Thank you.

Discerning a difference.

We girls gathered around my sisters kitchen with the windows open and the sunlight streaming in.  The kids ran in and out, giggling, laughing and just enjoying the day.  The coffee pot and tea kettle were full and the creamy chocolate mousse pie half gone.

We chatted and laughed.  Told stories and debated favorite authors.  Caught up with our sisters and friends.  Eight grown girls and nine munchkins in a 400 square foot house, but being as we all liked each other nobody noticed.

Somewhere between jiggling my niece on my knee to make her laugh and cleaning the kitchen afterwards our friend made a comment that has stuck with me ever since.   I don't even remember the context, but what she said was, "Condemnation is from Satan, but conviction comes from the Holy Spirit."

I wasn't sure about that at first, which is probably why I even remember the comment, but since then my reticular activating system has been tuned to notice a spirit of defeat that Satan has been wielding unchecked in my life.

Conviction tells me that I've done wrong.  Condemnation tells me that I can't do right.

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1 NLT
Take that, Satan.

More about me...

Who I am could not ever be without, well, God. Ultimately all I am and have and ever will be is from God. Every fiber of my being carefully handcrafted, every lesson in my twenty-something years specifically thought out and planned, every influence and inspiration designed by my Heavenly Father.

He planned me before the foundations of the earth. Before my parents even imagined me, every part of me had already been arranged. A God so boundless in might, so immense, so indescribably good, and He has a personal interest in me! Incredible. I can't even wrap my head around it, but I look forward to spending the rest of my life discovering more ways that He loves me, and in return, learning to love Him more.

Although the idea behind this post was to thank those who have inspired me and influenced me and changed my life in ways they could not imagine, I realized when I started that all of those people are more of God's grace gifts to me.

So here goes.

#557. The sister who teaches me how to serve with grace with her daily example. (And a yummy meal on the table every night)

#558. The beautiful, talented and thoughtful friend who inspires me to dream big, be realistic and then chase those dreams. (One day we WILL have that volleyball camp.)

#558. Dad, who shows me what it means to stand up when everyone else is sitting down.

#559. The girl who taught me oh so many things, but mainly to laugh at myself. (I would say the "friend" but I'm not sure.. Are we friends?) ;-)

#560. My oldest sister who called me out when I was on a destructive path with the most amazing sensitivity and care. I don't know if I can ever repay you.

#561. The friend who inspires me to be bold and wholeheartedly pursue Jesus. (And taught me how to be a real farm girl)

#562. My sister-in-law. She's been such a blessing, teaching me by her example that with my identity being in Christ, nothing else really matters.

#563. The dear friend started me off counting gifts in the first place.

#564. My grandma, the epitome of a modern lady, with all the graciousness, beauty, kindness and accomplishments of a queen. I hope that someday I'll be like her.

And #565. That girl who pushes me to try harder, who inspires me to be more diligent, who tells me to pick myself back up, and who buys me a lot of coffees. =)

There are so many more, (enough that I could write a book.) that I haven't mentioned above, and believe me, I'm incredibly blessed by you. Thank you for letting God love me through you. I just hope I'm fortunate enough to return the favor someday.

Isaiah 45:3

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variables or shadow of turning" (James 1:17)

Last week my friend showed me a list she was compiling on her iPhone. It was called, "1000 gifts." She was making a conscious effort to recognize all the little (and big) blessings that we take for granted every day, things that God uses to prove himself to us. Things like, hot showers, raw honey, laughter and moonrises.

I was really inspired by the idea, and pulled out my phone, writing a few of the gifts God had given me that weekend. I got to 60 without hardly trying, and went away humbled, grateful and in awe of my amazing, loving God. It changed my whole mindset while I was dwelling on the idea. My little brother called me, all frustrated and upset, and I was so tickled to death that I'd been given such a cute little brother that I couldn't possibly respond in kind to his frustration, and his anger blew out like a candle.

When I think of all that God has given me and continues to give me, whether or not I'm deserving of it, I'm so humbled. God gives grace to the humble, which is another gift that humbles me more. It's a beautiful cycle, one I hope will never end.

"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me
Things so undeserved, yet You gave to prove Your love to me
The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude
All that I am, and ever hope to be, I owe it all to You."

A father of ten in church yesterday was sharing about gifts after singing this song. He's been out of work for six years due to an injury, and had been reading an article about workers compensation, and how families were being torn apart every day due to work-related injuries. He and his wife adopted six kids in the past three years. Instead of dwelling on the fact that he isn't working, and may never be able to provide for his family through physical labor again, (the only way he knows) this father was recognizing God's gifts to him, thanking God, praising and glorifying Him for all He had done.

He said in his broken English, "Not only has God kept our family together, He gave us six more kids!"

"I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD" (Isaiah 45:3)