I've been challenged much lately by feelings of inadequacy. There's nothing like getting married and jumping from life in the city to life in a tiny cabin to let a girl know how much she DOESN'T know.
“Oh my goodness, that horse is dead!!”
“No babe, horses actually like to lay down in the sun like that.”
I'm so thankful for this season of my life, but if I was going to write a novel about it, it would be titled “The Great Adjustment”. All of the life skills that I previously thought were valuable seem unusable, and I've had to learn how to do everyday things.
Yes, I can navigate the grid of LA freeways in rush hour traffic and find 4 alternate routes to my destination. But we only have one road here, and part of it is gravel. “Some help you turned out to be” the enemy whispers.
Yes, I can whip up a 4 course dinner for 16 or 30, or even 40 people with an hour's notice (and a quick trip to Costco) but cooking for just me and my husband is baffling. “You're a terrible housewife!”
I could paint a house, assist with numerous drywall, plumbing, electrical, or even flooring projects, but my husband trains horses and takes care of their feet. And my knowledge of horses is minuscule. And again the enemy whispers, “You're worthless. You have nothing to offer.”
“Don't speak. Don't share. You can't help. You have nothing that they need.”
But Truth cries out and fights back. “NO! Lies! Lies! All lies!!”
And my husband assures me that he knew ahead of time that I wasn't a country girl and he really wanted to marry me, and he's glad he did.
And the Holy Spirit gently prods me to offer myself. Because God created me in His image and that is enough.
And in church yesterday my obedient and introverted friend stood up in front of everyone and spoke powerful words challenging me to step up and say “yes” to God when I am inadequate, so He receives all the glory when He does big things through me .
And the tag on my cup of tea this morning read “If you have nothing else to give, give a smile.”
So excuse me while I go split some logs to start a fire that will warm up this cabin before I go out to feed the horses, and then put our little home back in order after a crazy weekend. And even if I can't accomplish everything I set out to do, I will try my hardest, and I will smile. Because I am a child of God, and that is better than good enough.