Things that matter this morning

I crept into the quiet dining room this morning, presumably to burn through some pages in the book I'm supposed to finish before I start a class I've signed up for, but my keyboard was calling to me like an old friend.

By the time I had fixed myself a cup of tea, contemplated whether all of the water outside was "raining," "falling" or just "drizzling," and had booted up my computer, the book was far out of my mind.

I've missed taking the time to search out what's on my heart and put it into words.  You know, I think it's healthy for me, in a way, to dredge down to the bottom, to sit in solitude with only my thoughts and the clicking of the keys, to open up the doors of my mind and explore the ideas and insights that I don't normally have the time or energy to pursue.  To know what's going on in my heart.

I keep telling myself that I'm way too busy most of the time.  Too busy to pursue my relationship with Christ.  Too busy to invest in my little sisters who are growing up so fast.  Too busy to sit and listen to my dad when he's exploring new ideas and insights.  Too busy to chat on the phone with a friend and catch up on what God's been doing in her life.

I did a mental review to see just what it was that I've been to busy with, and my automatic defensive answer was that I've been too busy with....life.

This morning I gave that answer some objective thought only to realize that these very things I've been too busy for - they are LIFE.  These are the most vital aspects of life, these relationships; with my Savior, with my sisters, my brothers, with my dad and mom, with my sweet friends - these are the pulse and purpose of my life here.

The shower just shut off indicating that my quiet time is up.  The studying will have to happen later, maybe with headphones on.  Right now I have a life to live.

Edit:  Learning new things is life too, and should not be discounted.  I think the idea here is for me to find a balance between the two; not shutting out the people so that I can learn more about... people, and not shutting out the investment into the future so that I can invest more in the present. =)

Some things are more important...

Working full time and attending a week-long seminar hasn't allowed for a lot of extra time, especially when that said seminar is encouraging me to establish godly disciplines in my life such as rising early, daily bible reading and those sorts of things.  Getting enough sleep is already hard for me, (even though I make it a huge priority) so when I was in bed by 10:30 last night, there was a smile on my face.

I was fading into the blissful land of sleep very quickly when I heard faint whispering coming from the bunk below me.

"Girls are you both in the same bed?"

There was a pause and then a quiet, "yeah."

"Get back in your bed, and go to sleep."

"We'll stop whispering, I promise!" the youngest interceded.

"She makes me sleep in her bed every night because she's afraid of having nightmares!" the older one announced.  "I never get to sleep in my own bed."  And then to her little sister, "You'll be fine, 'cause we didn't watch any movies tonight."

Twenty minutes later our older sister came in to hear the tail end of the discussion.

"I really think God wants us to obey Him just because we love Him, not even expecting or thinking about the blessings that come from obedience."  (This was from the 12 year old.)

"What are you guys talking about?"  the older sister asked.

"Oh, theology, philosophy and doctrine.  You know... all that stuff."

Twenty more minutes of sleep versus twenty more minutes of deep discussions fueled by my baby sisters?

Somethings are more important.  Yeah, even more important than sleep.

The shape of our lives

Yesterday the oldest sister and the littlest sister switched places.  Just for the day.  Our baby sister (who isn't really a baby anymore at eight years old) with her sparkling eyes, bouncy curls and sunny personality had been overheard telling people she "hated being the youngest of 14 kids"

When questioned why she would hate it, she always replied, "Cause everybody bosses me, and I don't get to boss anybody!"

EDIT: (We thought this dynamic might change when we got chickens, because at least she got to boss them, but when the chickens started dying, well....)

So for that reason, the youngest and the oldest traded jobs.  With (much) assistance, the youngest was sent to the office to do the payroll for the family business, was assigned to plan the menu, arrange the household chores and prepare the dinner.   We all thought it would be appropriate to balk and complain when asked to help, but the giggles and grins were hard to hide.

By the end of the day the littlest was frustrated and overtired.  I asked her what she thought about being the youngest of 14 now, and she hesitated before telling me that she thought it was okay.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Nobody knows who I am now!" she wailed, burying her head in my shoulder.

"Of course we know who you are!  You wanna know why you're frustrated?"

The curls bobbed up and down, indicating an affirmative answer.

"Well, you know that toy that our little nephew has with the different shaped holes, and the blocks that fit in it?"

She recognized the toy, even though my description was lacking.

"Do you ever notice how hard he tries to fit the wrong blocks into the holes, and how frustrated it makes him?  God made you the shape of who you are for a reason, and trying to fit your shape into another shaped hole is only going to make you frustrated!"

I'm not sure if she got the analogy, but I sure did.  I try so hard to be someone I'm not.  Today I'm going to be thankful for who I am.  Life works better that way.

Sunday afternoon

So its time for a nap. Today's my last day on the farm, and I'm sad to be leaving, but happy to be going home. I miss my family like crazy.

I miss my dad's wisdom and insight. I miss sharing things I'm discovering in the Word with him. I miss listening to him talk, sing, play the guitar or whatever.

I miss my mom's counsel and advice. I miss cooking with her, talking with her, listening to her, working out with her and hugging her.

I haven't seen my oldest sister in months! I miss her family like crazy! My nephew is talking now, I've been told.

I miss the other married siblings, but I'm used to missing them. I can't wait to see them all when I get home!

I miss my oldest brother and his passion and dedication. I miss his piano playing too!

My sisters at home are my very best friends, and I miss them so much. I miss waking up and seeing their beautiful faces. I miss working with them, playing with them, talking with them, drinking coffee with them, and fighting with them.

The three little girls are such precious jewels! I miss their antics, their giggles and watching them grow up and discover life. They keep smiles on all our faces.

My manly, exuberant brothers, my pals, protectors and friends. They're all taller than me now. Even the youngest one. I miss looking up to see their faces. =) I miss their jokes.

I miss them all!

It's been an amazing week learning to be a farm girl. I've done things I never thought I would do, from milking a cow by hand to driving a tractor. I'm so grateful for the opportunity and the experience! (besides the fact that it was a ton of fun!)

Tomorrow I'll be boarding an airplane to fly home. I'm excited about that, because I love flying. Even by myself.

I'm excited to spend a week with all my brothers and sisters at home, because that doesn't happen very often!

I'm excited to see what the future holds, because I know the One who holds the future.

Oh, and I'm excited to see the 180Movie which is coming out tomorrow on their website, www.180movie.com. Check it out if you get a chance!

"Let no man despise your youth, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

That verse has been talking to me all day. =) Alright. Nap time is over. I'm gonna go wash milk buckets.